Ever have those days, or weeks, where it feels like everything is on fire? And not in a good way…

Leave it to the pandemic to really light things up and turn the smaller spot fires of the past into blazing infernos engulfing everything around you. Maybe that's a bit dramatic, but when you're in it, it can feel that way.

So how do you take care of yourself when everything else is on fire?

Stop. Drop. And Roll. I know you're probably thinking, really Caroline? Really? Hold up and let me explain. This is actually some of the best and most simple advice for when things seem to be going up in flames around you.

Stop

Stop what you're doing. Take a breath. Let's talk about creating breathing room. And breathing, literally. I'm going to start with the second because it can do wonders for shifting your stress in the moment. I promise.

If you're in the middle of a tough situation, stop what you're doing and take a break if you can. Or take a moment as soon as you can. Find a quiet or private place, even if it's outside or in the bathroom, and do some deep breathing.

Now before you roll your eyes as you think of another flowery Instagram quote touting the phrase "just breathe", I'm right there with you. We're not talking about just breathe and everything will be fine - or the universe has got your back - or everything happens for a reason. (But that's fine if you subscribe to those philosophies). I'm talking about taking control of your physiology and developing some survival tools to keep your cool in the moment.

Here's what I mean. Deep breathing not only helps us de-escalate in a stressful situation, but actually has long-term benefits for your health. Here's what the experts says about it:

"Deep breathing techniques have been shown to significantly reduce the production of hormones associated with stress, such as cortisol." - Medical News Today

Whoa, this is good news for us!

Usually we think of our body doing it's own thing. Feeling stressed is a natural reaction to difficult situations, and it seems like we're just not in control of those uncomfortable feelings. And it also feels like major stress is just a natural part of being a teacher, right!? But the truth is, you can take simple steps to regain control of your body and lower your stress. It just takes a bit of practice and some persistence.

Try box breathing, for example. Some people call it "four square breathing" or "resetting your breath". It's easy and you can do it anywhere. Simply put, it's a bit like having a switch to naturally lower your stress and regain that sense of calm and control. The best part is you don't have to "think your way out" of a tough situation. Let the breathing technique do the heavy lifting of calming your body and your brain.

Here's how to do it: breathe in for the count of four, hold the air in your lungs for the count of four, breathe out for the count of four and hold your breath with no air in your lungs for the count of four. Then repeat. You can do this with a smaller number seconds (such as 3 seconds) or for longer periods (7 seconds). Box breathing is a technique you can do for 2 - 5 minutes, so it's perfect for when you have a short break at work, or even after a long or difficult teaching day.

You can imagine tracing the sides of a box slowly if you like, or even do it with your finger in the air or on your desk. Don't have a lot of time? Here's a little trick: try doing a few rounds of box breathing with your students. That way, both of you can get the benefits, and you don't need to wait until you have alone time.

Why do I spend so much time talking about breathing? Because it's simple, easy and doesn't cost anything. It's a way of "resetting the body" from fight or flight mode, to rest and relax mode. Here are some suggested benefits from according to a few studies (Medical News Today):

• Feeling less stressed
• Having greater focus
• Lowers anxiety and depression
• More positive outlook on life
• Better able manage cravings and impulses

Just looking at this list, I bet you can already imagine how your life could change by using breathing as a tool to manage stress, instead of some of our other handy but less healthy coping strategies…

Now let's talk really stressful situations now. According to Mark Devine, a Navy SEAL commander who has been practicing this technique for more than three decades,

“Box breathing bleeds off excess stress, and gives you a handy, on-demand tool, to avoid taking on any more stress than you can handle.”

If navy seals do it to manage stress, it's probably good enough for teachers. I mean, I don't want to directly compare our jobs but as far as I'm concerned, teachers probably experience similar levels of stress! I say this only half joking…

You also can't solve difficult problems when you're in a state of high stress. You don't think as clearly, your decisions aren't as good and, you probably you probably don't need me to tell you, you may end up doing or saying something you regret. Like sending an email to "that parent" when you're all fired up.

Now let's talk "stop" in the grand sense. What do I mean? Take a beat and look at your situation as a whole. Get some perspective. If you can, take a day or a half day off to decompress. Or maybe you book an appointment for the morning and take the afternoon off to rest and recharge. I can not stress this strategy enough.

This stopping time is like taking a giant breath. As scary as it can be to "take a day", I've learned that it can re-energize your body and mind. Be strategic about it. Maybe you sleep and recharge, or maybe you spend a few hours knocking off some big to-dos that will make your life easier.

However you approach your time off, I suggest taking some time to think about the big picture. We don't often get, or take the time to do this. You can ask yourself questions like: What am I in control of? What can I do here that's would make a positive difference, right now?

A hot bath is awesome for relaxation in the moment. Just make sure that after that bath you take some time to think about what you could  do that would help you feel more relaxed in the long term. Maybe you need to do some planning, ask for help, send an email, hand off some responsibilities, set up a meeting or cancel a project.

What is one thing that would give you that longer term breathing room?

Once you've taken some time to breath, it's time to lighten your load.

Drop

What can you drop from your life? What do you need to stop doing, immediately or in the near future?

If your house is on fire, you only grab the most important things and then you get out of there. So, what are the most important things in your life right now?

Write out the priorities in your life. Start with taking care of those. Anything else is fair game to be shrunk, put on hold or eliminated. If only temporarily.

Are there commitments you could temporarily cancel? Or take a break for a week or two from? Is there something you said you'd do, but now you regret and it's draining you? And the big one we sometimes forget: Are you holding yourself to an unrealistic standard?

We're talking survival mode. Good enough is good enough. It's okay if your lesson wasn't the best because you needed to get an extra hour of sleep. Bowing out of a team commitment is not selfish, it's necessary, and probably even best for everyone involved. If you need hubs to take care of dinner, (or one of those handy meal delivery services) ask for help. We're thinking about your mental health and keeping you able (and wanting) to teach for the long term.

I won't say don't feel guilty because that's not realistic. You feel how you feel. I was that teacher that would go to work sick, and didn't feel like I could take a sick day, or heaven forbid, a "mental health day". I get it. What I will say is, you need to have a few phrases you can say to yourself to remind you that it's okay to look out for number one. Here are a few tried and true self-care mantras from our teacher tribe members:

• How much is this going to matter in a week, a month, a year?
• You are replaceable at work, but not at home
• This is not worth sacrificing your health over
• Put on your own oxygen mask first
• You need and deserve to take care of yourself

Lastly, is there something you're doing to cope, that you know you need to stop doing…?

This is a tough one because sometimes we do things to take care of ourselves - or to get us out of immediate discomfort - that ultimately cause more trouble for us in the long run.

When I worked at a really difficult school, I stayed out late with friends and up late watching Netflix, and drinking that extra glass of wine to cope with the stress. After all, I felt like I deserved it. But I always felt tired and groggy the next day, and I was more grumpy and less patient with my students. As you can probably imagine, this made things even worse at school.

This was my coping strategy, but really it was hurting me more than it was helping. Things got a lot better when I started going to bed earlier, and cut back on wine. Maybe you find yourself thinking about something you've been meaning to drop, or cut back on.

And when you can't drop things or control the situation, sometimes your best option is to just go with it.

Roll

Roll with it. Yep, you heard me. In life, and teaching, there are so many things that we don't have control over. We work really, really hard to have control over a few things and we get really good at getting results, but we can't fool ourselves into thinking we can control everything. The happiest teachers I've talked to are the ones that have made peace with the things they are not in control of.

If this year has taught us all anything, it's that sometimes you gotta just roll with it. Whether that means just doing your best to "connect" with your kiddos through remote teaching, trying to follow health guidelines while wrangling an oversized class of runny nosed little guys or just trying to teach some portion of a new curriculum with all the restrictions, we're all doing our best.

And sometimes one the best things you can do is to remind yourself that "I'm doing the best I can in this situation." It's okay to say this. I know it's so hard for some of us, especially when we're used to having our teaching and our routines on point. Everything's changed so much, but many of us are still comparing ourselves and our teaching to before. And that's not fair to you.

There's a saying "whatever your resist, persists". This is so true today more than ever. There are many situations and circumstances that we can't control. The more that you resist or fight against them, the worse you feel. You end up feeling helpless and frustrated, and you're still in the same place you started.

This doesn't mean you just throw your hands up and abandon your standards, but instead you take a look at the reality of the situation. You ask:

• What can I control here?
• What things are unchangeable?
• If I can't change it, what can I do so I can live with it?
• How can I change the way I think about it so I can feel better and start to make progress here?

So whether you desperately grab for whatever you can and run screaming from the building as the flames rise, or you calmly swing your purse over your shoulder and march out without looking back, the fire will eventually burn out. You will be okay. Everything else is replaceable. And, maybe you'll even have a new perspective on this most important things in life.

A few parting words of teacher love from me to you:

• You're okay. You're doing a good job.
• You're doing the best you can with what you have
• Good enough is good enough.
• Your sanity and health is priority #1 (or Put on your oxygen mask first)
• You are not defined by this. You are more than your actions.
• This too shall pass

Need some extra help de-stressing? Grab our free Stress Less Teacher Toolkit - 10 Proven and Simple Strategies to Let Go of Stress, Feel More Relaxed and Start Enjoying Your Life Again.